The Story of Mulan: X Style
by LeMistressV
Summary: UPDATED! Oh no! Another crazy fic by me! Well basically, it's Mulan done with the X characters, with Arashi as the lead. R&R!!!!
1. Default Chapter

The Story of Mulan X-Style  
  
By LeMistressV  
  
Disclaimer: This is a parody of Disney's Mulan done by the characters in X. I do not own any of the characters or the original songs. They all belong to Disney and CLAMP, so don't sue, k?  
  
Cast:  
  
Arashi as Mulan  
  
Subaru as Fa Zhou  
  
Kotori as Fa Li  
  
Karen as Granny Fa  
  
Kakyuu as Great Ancestor  
  
Kamui as Mushu  
  
Sorata as Captain Li Shang  
  
Subaru as The General  
  
Hinoto as The Emperor (Empress)  
  
Yuuto as Chi Fu  
  
Satsuki as Yao  
  
Yuzuriha as Ling  
  
Aoki as Chien Po & extra  
  
Fuuma as Shan Yu  
  
Nataku as one of Shan Yu's men  
  
Kusanagi as one of Shan Yu's men  
  
Seichirou as one of Shan Yu's men  
  
Kanoe as The Matchmaker  
  
Act 1  
  
Scene 1  
  
(Scene begins with Aoki walking around a cardboard wall. Fuuma's fake "falcon" swoops and hits Aoki on the head.)  
  
Aoki: (continues to hum and type on laptop)…  
  
Yuzuriha: Isn't Aoki supposed to be watching over…"The Great Wall?"  
  
Sorata: Some guard. Tokyo would be under attack and he wouldn't notice.  
  
Kotori: I thought The Great Wall was in China?  
  
Kamui: (grumbles) Some "Great Wall." It's made out of cardboard.  
  
Aoki: (still typing on laptop) Let's see…(mutters)  
  
Plastic bird: SQUAWK! SQUAWK!  
  
Aoki: (sees plastic bird) Oh! Look at the pretty birdy! Hello birdy! (pokes it and accidentally pushes it off the wall) Uh…(sweatdrop) Oops…  
  
Fuuma: YOU KILLED MY BIRD!!! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO MAKE THAT!  
  
Aoki: (sees Fuuma) AAAAAAAAH! We're under attack! (runs towards cardboard tower and takes torch)  
  
1 Yuuto: Hey, if the Great Wall is made out of cardboard wouldn't…  
  
Karen: Oh my God! Aoki don't–  
  
Aoki: (sets cardboard pot connected to wall on fire) Now all of…Tokyo knows you're here!  
  
Kamui: Dammit. Too late.  
  
Aoki: (realizes that Great Wall is on fire) Woops.  
  
Fuuma: Woops?! The %^*&$ Great Wall is burning and all you can say is WOOPS!!!!????  
  
Aoki: (timidly) It was an accident? (laughs nervously)  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Subaru walks towards Hinoto.)  
  
Subaru: Your majesty, the "Huns" have supposedly "crossed" our Northern border.  
  
Yuuto: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall.  
  
Subaru: (snickers) Yeah, that is if there was a Great Wall. Hehe…  
  
Yuuto: (sweatdrop)…(twitch, twitch)…  
  
Subaru: Well actually, it's not much of a loss. You see, now we have a Great Wall of Ashes! Ha, ha, ha! Get it?  
  
Hinoto: …  
  
Yuuto: …  
  
(Crickets chirp.)  
  
Subaru: (sweatdrop) You guys suck!  
  
Yuuto: (five seconds later) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was so funny!  
  
2 Arashi: …  
  
Kamui: …Idiot.  
  
Hinoto: …Who is leading them?  
  
Subaru: Fuuma is. We'll…I'll set up defenses around your palace immediately!  
  
Hinoto: No. Send your troops to protect the people of Tokyo. Yuuto.  
  
Yuuto: Yes, your majesty?  
  
Hinoto: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.  
  
Subaru: Um…that's cool. But I believe my troops can stop him.  
  
Yuuto: (bursts out in laughter) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your troops, huh? You mean those cardboard boxes outside? (rolls on floor laughing) YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Subaru: (getting pissed off) Um…as I was saying…  
  
Hinoto: That will not be necessary. I won't take any chances…general. For a single scale of rice can tip the scale.  
  
Sorata: Man, all this talk of food is getting me hungry.  
  
Yuzuriha: Let's eat!  
  
Hinoto: One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.  
  
Scene 3  
  
(Arashi is sitting on her bed, playing with her rice.)  
  
Arashi: Quiet and demure…graceful…polite…delicate…refined…poised…Why do I need to write this down on my hand again?  
  
Kanoe: Just do it.  
  
Arashi: But I–  
  
3 Kanoe: JUST DO IT!!!  
  
(Suddenly, a chicken crows.)  
  
Arashi: (realizes she's late) Aiya! Inuki! Inuki! Inu–oh, there you are. Come on, can you help me with my chores today?  
  
Inuki: (shakes head)  
  
Arashi: Yuzuriha!  
  
4 Yuzuriha: Inuki!  
  
Arashi: Good!  
  
(Arashi ties a sack of grain around Inuki's neck. She also ties a stick onto Inuki with a Pocky Stick hanging from it. Inuki lazily runs around, until it reaches the shrine where Subaru is praying. Chickens follow Inuki into the shrine.)  
  
Subaru: Honorary ancestors, please help Arashi impress the matchmaker today.  
  
Inuki: BARK! BARK!  
  
Subaru: (sweatdrop) Please, PLEASE, help her.  
  
Arashi: (walks into shrine) Father, I brought your – whoop!  
  
Subaru: (bumps into Arashi and is hit on the head with the tea pot) Arashi…  
  
Arashi: (Blink blink) Um…I brought a spare? Father, you're not well! Here, drink this! (shoves another cup of tea in Subaru's mouth)  
  
Subaru: HOT!  
  
Arashi: Remember, the doctor said THREE cups of tea in the morning –  
  
Subaru: Arashi!  
  
Arashi: And THREE at night.  
  
Subaru: Arashi, you should already be in town. We're "supposedly" counting on you to up –  
  
Arashi: (interrupts sarcastically) Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, father. I won't let you down. (mutters) Supposedly.  
  
Subaru: (whacks Arashi with cane) DON'T INTERRUPT ME! (shoves her out of shrine) And get out of my shrine!  
  
Arashi: (grumbles) Punk.  
  
Subaru: I'm going to pray some more. 


	2. Act 2

Act 2

I've rewritten the cast, and have made a few changes in it

Cast:

Arashi as Mulan

Subaru as Fa Zhou/The General

Kotori as Fa Li

Karen as Granny Fa

Kakyuu as Great Ancestor

Kamui as Mushu

Sorata as Captain Li Shang

Hinoto as The Emperor (Empress)

Yuuto as Chi Fu

Satsuki as Yao

Yuzuriha as Ling

Aoki as Chien Po/extra

Fuuma as Shan Yu

Asagi as one of Shan Yu's men

Kusanagi as one of Shan Yu's men – all three are extras as well

Seishirou as one of Shan Yu's men

Nataku as Cri-kee

Kanoe as The Matchmaker

Tokiko as extra

Italicized parts are said backstage

_(Tokiko pops out of nowhere unexpectedly, scaring the hell out of everybody.) _

_Tokiko: (looking ticked off)_ _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING?! THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS AT HAND!!!! _

_Kusanagi: (whispers to Kamui) Who's that again? _

_Kamui: My aunt. _

_(Meanwhile, Sorata and Yuuto are watching X/1999 the movie.) _

_Sorata: WHAT?! FUUMA KILLS ME?! (sobs) NOOOOOO! (to Yuuto) You have a tissue? _

_Yuuto: (sniffles and hands Sorata tissue) I can't believe you died! We never even got to duel! (blows on tissue) _

_Arashi & Kamui: …(raise eyebrows) _

_Fuuma: (glancing at screen) Hey! I look GOOD! _

_Tokiko: (gets even more ticked off) ARGH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING?! SORATA'S NOT DEAD! HE'S RIGHT THERE! AND NONE OF THAT (points at T.V.) IS GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE ALL YOU MORONS ARE HERE DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT!!! _

_Satsuki: Can we kill her now instead of doing this movie? My part SUCKS! I HAVE TO PLAY SOME STUPID GUY'S PART! _

_Yuzuriha: Hey, Tokiko, you know you're in this movie also. You're one of our unmentioned extras. _

_Tokiko: Never am I going to take part in this movie! _

_Seishirou: We'll pay you. _

_Tokiko: OKAY! (runs to scene) _

Scene 4

(Tokiko emerges from a small house.)

Tokiko: Kotori, is your daughter here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman…(mutters) and not a very attractive one either. (walks back into house)

Karen: (mutters) You could say that again.

_Kanoe: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!_

Kotori: (looking nervous) Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors – er…ancestor for luck.

Karen: How can he – er…_they_ be, _they're_ dead.

_Kakyuu: (sobs) _

_Subaru: Is he okay? _

_Nataku: (glances at the sobbing Kakyuu) He'll be fine. _

Karen: Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need! (hold up a small cockroach in a cage)

Kotori: That's a cockroach! Where's the cricket!

Karen: Picky, picky, picky. Cockroach, cricket, what's the difference?

Kotori: Ewe!

Karen: Besides, we're fresh out of crickets. They all got roasted after Aoki burned down our Great Wall.

Kotori: (stares at cockroach in disgust) Yuck! Hey, wait a minute! Karen, that cockroach is dead!

Karen: WHAT?! (glances at the cage and sees the cockroach lying motionless) GREAT! Where are we going to find a replacement now?!

_Yuuto: C'mon, do it!_

_Nataku: NO! Absolutely not! _

_Yuuto: Pretty please? C'mon! You won't have to say anything thing! Hehe… _

_Nataku: I'm not about to go out there and play some stupid role of a cricket! Nothing is going to convince me to–Ack! I'm shrinking! _

_Kanoe: (shrinks Nataku) Hehe…that's right. (picks up insect sized Nataku) You're not going back to normal until you do your job! (throws Nataku at Karen)_

Karen: (catches Nataku and smiles) Ah, this'll be just perfect. Okay, Nataku, this is your chance to prove yourself! (stuffs Nataku into cage)

Nataku: (realizes what Karen is about to do) WHAT?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?!?!

Kotori: Karen! No!

(Karen blindfolds herself and walks onto the busy streets as carriages come rushing by. The drivers squeal as they try to avoid hitting Karen. Unfortunately, the drivers collide with each other anyway, leaving Karen and the traumatized Nataku unharmed.)

Karen: (takes off blindfold, looks around, and sees the discombobulated carriage drivers) Yup! (smiles and waves cage holding Nataku) This one's a lucky one!

Nataku: (clutching heart) Feh…I almost had a heart attack. (glares at Karen and mutters) No thanks to you.

(Meanwhile, Arashi is being led to a tub full of bubbles. She is pushed into the bath tub and is being scrubbed clean.)

Arashi: (protesting) But I don't–

_Sorata: (grabs binoculars & holds it up Arashi's direction) Ho! This is the best part!_

_Yuzuriha: (smacks Sorata and takes binoculars) PERVERT! _

Tokiko: (looks at Arashi's pretty hair and sings) This is what you give me to work with?

Well, honey, I've seen worse.

We're going to turn this sow's ear…

Into a silk purse! (washing Arashi's hair)

We'll have you

Washed and dried

Primped and polished

Till you glow with pride

Trust my recipe for

Instant bride

You'll bring honor to us all.

(The scene is changed into a hairdresser's shop. Arashi is having her hair brushed and done, much to her chagrin.)

Tokiko: Wait and see

When we're though

Kotori: (sings) Boys will gladly go to

War for you

Tokiko: With good fortune

Kotori: (fixing Arashi's hair into a lovely bun) And a great hairdo

Tokiko & Kotori: You'll being honor to us all.

(continue singing while dragging Arashi to the clothes shop) A girl can bring her family

Great honor in one way

By striking a good match

And this could be the day.

Tokiko: (dressing Arashi) Men want girls

With good taste

Calm

Kotori: Obedient

Tokiko: Who work fast-paced

Kotori: With good breeding

Tokiko: (tightening dress on Arashi) And a tiny waist

Arashi: (yelps)

Tokiko & Kotori: You'll bring honor to us all

(leads Arashi to another area) We all must serve our Emper-ess

Who guards us from Fuuma

_Fuuma: Hey!_

Tokiko & Kotori: (ignore Fuuma and continue to sing) A man by bearing arms

A girl by bearing sons

Arashi: Hmph…

Tokiko & Kotori: When we're though

You can't fail

Like a lotus blossom

Soft and pale

How could any fellow say "No sale"

You'll bring honor to us all.

(Tokiko applies lipstick onto Arashi's lips. She then adds eye shadow and pink blush to bring color to Arashi's pale face.)

_Sorata: (whoops when he catches sight of Arashi) WHOA!! GO BABE!!!!_

Kotori: (places a hair comb in Arashi's pretty hair and says) There, you're ready.

Karen: (arrives and places apple in Arashi's mouth) Not yet! An apple for serenity…A pendant for balance…(sings) Beads of jade for beauty (places jade necklace around Arashi's neck)

You must proudly show it (takes cage with Nataku and hands it to Arashi)

Now add a cricket just for luck

And even you can't blow it

Arashi: (stares in disbelief at Nataku) Nataku…

Nataku: Don't ask.

Arashi: (shrugs and sings, heading towards Matchmaker's house) Ancest_or_

_Sorata: (swoons) Awe! She has such a cute voice! Melts my heart!_

Arashi: (glares at Sorata but continues to sing) Hear my plea

Help me not to make a fool of me

And to not uproot my fam'ly tree

Keep my father ::cough cough please don't! cough cough:: standing tall.

_Subaru: (waving stick in air) Dishonorable girl!_

Arashi & choir of girls: Scarier than the undertaker

We are meeting our

Matchmaker

Tokiko & Kotori & Karen: (sing) Destiny

_Kamui: Feh! I don't believe in destiny._

_Kusunagi: Shhh! _

Tokiko & Kotori & Karen: Guard out girls

And our future as it fast unfurls

Please look kindly on

These cultured pearls

Each a perfect porcelain doll

Yuzuriha: (singing) Please bring honor to us

Satsuki: (unemotionally) Please bring honor to us

Yuzuriha: Please bring honor to us

Satsuki: Please bring honor to us

Arashi: Please bring honor to us all!

Scene 5

(Kanoe emerges from her house, looking at her clipboard.)

Kanoe: Sumeragi, Arashi

Arashi: (stands up gracefully) …

Kanoe: Not addressing her superiors…

Arashi: (give Kanoe death glare) …

Karen: (growls) Who spit in _her_ bean curd…punk!

(Arashi enters Kanoe's house. Kanoe then slams the door shut and looks Arashi over.)

Kanoe: Hmph. Too skinny.

Arashi: (mutters under breath) You're just jealous that I'm thinner than you, you old hag.

(Still angry at Kanoe, Nataku slips out of the cage and attempts to attack her. Nataku jumps onto Kanoe's shoulder, plotting evilly on what he was going to do with her.)

Kanoe: (does not hear Arashi's comment, and does not notice Nataku on her shoulder) Recite the final admonition.

Arashi: (looking bored) Fulfull your duties calmly and respectfully. Reflect before you act. This shall bring you honor and glory.

Kanoe: (looks pissed off that Arashi got the question right) This way. (shoves teapot towards Arashi) Now pour the tea. To please your future–

(Kanoe stops talking as Arashi has already gracefully filled the cup with tea. Arashi gives Kanoe a cunning look before handing her the teacup.)

Arashi: (notices Nataku trying to poison tea) …

Kanoe: Ahhh…(sniffs tea)

(Nataku stifles an evil laugh as he sets Kanoe's bottom on fire.)

Kanoe: (realizes her behind is on fire) YEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW!

(Meanwhile, outside the house, everyone can hear Kanoe's anguishing cries.)

Karen: (smiles to Kotori) I think it's going well!

Kotori: (groans and hides her face in hands)

Kanoe: (runs out of building) PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!!!!

Arashi: (sighs and tosses tea at Kanoe, putting fire out) …(walks back towards Kotori and Karen)

Kanoe: (takes teapot and throws it behind her, hitting Nataku with it accidentally) You are a disgrace!

_Sorata: (enraged) Hey! Nobody talks to me babe like that!_

Arashi: (twitching) B...babe?!

Kanoe: You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!

(Arashi and Kotori restrain Karen from blowing Kanoe up to smithereens.)

Scene 6

(Arashi, Kotori, and Karen arrive back home. Karen is still sore at the fact that she had missed her chance of destroying the ugly hag Kanoe. Arashi leads a horse to the water trough, while Kotori nervously walks towards Subaru.)

Subaru: (walking out of room and inhaling the fresh air, stretching) Ah! Nothing like a morning with fresh air! No wife! No annoying grandmother! No dis – daughter to…

Kotori: (walks up to him and whispers something in ear)

Subaru: (enraged and points at Arashi) DISHONORABLE DAUGHTER! DISHONOR! DISHONOR! DIS–

(Subaru is shut up by a lightning bolt striking him unconscious. In the background, Sorata is laughing maniacally.)

_Satsuki & Seishirou: (stare at Sorata uneasily)_

_Sorata: What? I couldn't have him chanting that when the babe's about to sing! (beams with pride as a "You're No. 1" sign hovers over his head)_

_Kamui & Fuuma: (sweatdrop) … _

Arashi: (sighs and looks at her reflection in water singing) Look at me

I will never pass

For a perfect bride

Or a perfect daughter

Can it be

I'm not meant to play

This part? (sets mini Nataku out in the wild where he is attacked by other bugs)

Nataku: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Sorata: (swoons and sneaks onto the scene to get a better look of Arashi)

Arashi: (ignoring Nataku) Now I see

That if I were truly

To be myself (hops along the bridge railing)

I would break my

Family's heart.

(In the distance, Subaru is seen, sobbing loudly.)

Arashi: Who is that girl I see (looks into her reflection again)

Staring straight

Back at me? (sees Sorata's face under water)

(Sorata is hiding underneath the water, waving at Arashi as she looks at him. Arashi glares at Sorata and tosses a pebble in the water, smacking him on the forehead with it.)

_Kakyuu: (mutters) Should've thrown a rock at him._

Arashi: (still glaring at Sorata who is not only in pain, but is also running out of air) Why is my reflection someone

I don't know?

(Nataku is on a small boat rowing on the pond. Rapidly, he is rowing for his life as an army of bugs chase after him. Meanwhile, Sorata is clutching his throat as he wiggles for air. When he finally goes up to get a breath of air, he realizes Arashi was way ahead of him.)

Sorata: (sighs and swoons) Ah! Her love for me is so great! (does not realize the pebble imprint on his forehead)

Arashi: (walking quickly while singing) Somehow I cannot hide

Who I am

Though I've tried

When will my reflection show (sees Sorata's reflection on the graves and pushes the grave over, making it topple on top of Sorata)

Who I am inside?

(unties her long pretty hair) When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

Sorata: (manages to slip out of graves) WHOA! YEAH! ENCORE! AWESOME!

Arashi: (twitching) …(pushes rest of graves over him and leaves scene) 


End file.
